A Daughter’s Love: Reflections on an Escape from Ukraine
It was early 2022, and Olga Tihonova was living in Mykolaiv, a vibrant city about the size of Atlanta, located in the south of Ukraine near the Black Sea. Tihonova’s daughter is Regina Koury, associate university librarian and director of Rutgers University–Camden’s Paul Robeson Library. An ocean away in New Jersey, Koury would wake up each morning and immediately check the news before calling her mother.
The news was never good.
Reports from Mykolaiv showed broken glass and burned-out tanks strewn throughout city streets pockmarked with enormous craters from Russian missiles. Air-raid sirens and intermittent shelling were a constant soundtrack. Artillery fire rattled windows that had yet to break. By early March, as nearly 800 Russian military vehicles advanced toward the city, Mykolaiv’s mayor declared, “The city is ready for war.”
Olga Tihonova and her daughter Regina Koury, associate university librarian and director of Rutgers University–Camden’s Paul Robeson Library.
Olga Tihonova and her daughter Regina Koury, associate university librarian and director of Rutgers University–Camden’s Paul Robeson Library.
Life in Mykolaiv: “We Didn’t Think the War Was Coming to Us”
Before the war, mother and daughter enjoyed weekly calls with each other, sharing family news or discussing the latest Russian novel they were reading together. As relations between Russia and Ukraine deteriorated, Koury started to call daily, but Tihonova reassured her daughter that she was safe and there were no signs of war where she lived. “The war was really unexpected,” said Koury. “Right up until war broke out, life was going on. My mom was making plans to do construction on her house; she was taking her cats to the vet. She didn’t even have a current passport.”
Unfortunately, the relative peace of early 2022 would not last long. Because Mykolaiv was a key port along a strategic highway, it quickly became a target in the war. “Our information was limited,” Tihonova recalled later. “We thought it was just Kiev. We didn’t think the war was coming to us.” On the night of February 24, the war did come to Mykolaiv: Russian troops invaded, and the fighting began. “They shelled and bombed, and Russian tanks came right down the central street,” said Tihonova.
While Ukrainian troops were able to stop the advance and push the Russian soldiers out of central Mykolaiv, attacks on the city continued from its outskirts. Over the weeks that followed, critical parts of the city’s infrastructure—the municipal water system, the airports, the hospital, several multi-story residential buildings, and two of the city’s largest universities—were damaged or destroyed. Much of Mykolaiv was in ruins. Tihonova heard stories of residents whose homes had been bombed moving to makeshift shelters just to survive. On one trip into the city center, she saw a bridge that had been completely wiped out. Tihonova tried to maintain a sense of normalcy, but it wasn’t easy. “I could hear the rockets. My cats heard it. The rockets sounded like an airplane.”
Mykolaiv, a port city near where the Southern Bug river flows into the Black Sea, before the 2022 attacks.
Mykolaiv, a port city near where the Southern Bug river flows into the Black Sea, before the 2022 attacks.
A view of the destroyed terminal of the Mykolaiv Airport on April 22, 2022 in Mykolaiv area, Ukraine. Mykolaiv has been a target of Russian attacks throughout its current invasion of Ukraine. (Photo by Anastasia Vlasova/Getty Images)
A view of the destroyed terminal of the Mykolaiv Airport on April 22, 2022 in Mykolaiv area, Ukraine. Mykolaiv has been a target of Russian attacks throughout its current invasion of Ukraine. (Photo by Anastasia Vlasova/Getty Images)
Still, even as conditions worsened—transportation was unreliable at best; food and water were becoming harder to find; the sounds of bombing, artillery fire, and air-raid sirens were constant and unyielding—Tihonova was resolute in wanting to stay. Mykolaiv was her home, and she had many beloved pets, including a dog, numerous cats, and several hedgehogs who relied on her for their care. She was also caring for the pets of neighbors who had already fled. “Looking after the animals helped keep everything else in the back of my mind,” she said.
“The breaking point for me was one day when she went to the bank to withdraw some money,” said Koury. After visiting the bank, her mom went to the store to stock up on pet food. Several bus routes were suspended, requiring her to walk for long stretches carrying her groceries, but a determined Tihonova completed her trip safely before the mandatory 7 p.m. curfew. It was only when she returned home that she learned that the very bank she had entered two hours earlier had been bombed, killing two people.
“The rockets went right over her head,” said Koury. “Before that, we felt anger. We felt denial. It was a mixture of feelings. But the rockets flying over your head make it real.”
Escaping the War Zone
Once Tihonova decided she needed to leave, the question for mother and daughter became how. Tihonova got word a bus would help evacuate residents in a few days’ time. Koury emphasized that the situation was urgent, and she should evacuate, even though there wasn’t much time to prepare. “She had three days to pack what she could,” said Koury. “She was a property owner—she left everything. She asked friends and neighbors to care for her pets and left her home in the care of a neighbor as well.”
With just a single bag holding a change of clothes, some personal items, a few photos, and her documents, Tihonova boarded a bus on April 16 and began her 20-hour journey to the safety of Warsaw, Poland. The bus was crowded—people sat in every available seat and in the aisles—and there was only one two-hour break during the trip. Tihonova was fortunate to have a seat, but conditions were tight. There were regions they traveled through that required the passengers to turn off their cell phones for safety, lest the signals give away their location. The group eventually arrived at their destination—the Ptak Warsaw Expo, a center that had been converted into a shelter for refugees fleeing the war. Polish authorities were extremely welcoming and helpful, accepting Tihonova’s documents and helping her to get settled.
People wait in a line to get into the evacuation bus on April 23, 2022 in Mykolaiv, Ukraine. Mykolaiv, a port city near where the Southern Bug flows into the Black Sea, has been a target of Russian attacks throughout its current invasion of Ukraine. (Photo by Anastasia Vlasova/Getty Images)
People wait in a line to get into the evacuation bus on April 23, 2022 in Mykolaiv, Ukraine. Mykolaiv, a port city near where the Southern Bug flows into the Black Sea, has been a target of Russian attacks throughout its current invasion of Ukraine. (Photo by Anastasia Vlasova/Getty Images)
In the United States, Koury had been in contact with her attorney to begin the process of bringing her mom from Poland to New Jersey when she received some good news. On April 21, the U.S. government announced the Uniting for Ukraine program, which provides a pathway for Ukrainian citizens to come to the America for a period of two years. “Working with the Immigration and Naturalization Service was easy,” said Koury. “I was able to go online and complete all the paperwork. So, I bought a ticket and flew to Warsaw. I told Mom I was coming.”
“Mom, I’m Coming” – Mother and Daughter Reunited in Warsaw
Tihonova lived in the shelter for Ukrainian refugees for 16 days before her daughter arrived on May 4 and located her. “When I saw my mom, she looked so tired, so small,” said Koury. “She was exhausted and her eyes looked lost. My mom is a strong person, but she looked terrible.” Koury and her mom went to a hotel to rest, recover, and catch up. While they were there, word came that the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service would provide a visa for her mom, allowing them to leave Warsaw and fly to Newark. When they arrived in the United States, Koury said the immigration officials welcomed her mom, telling her, “Don’t worry. Here is your stamp. It’s going to be okay.”
Tihonova has settled into life in New Jersey with her daughter. While she had been to the United States before, she had only seen California, and Koury was eager to share the sights of Philadelphia and New York with her mom. They also visited the Jersey Shore, which reminds both of vacations spent by the Black Sea. “We went to Wildwood’s Dog Park & Beach because my mom loves animals so much,” Koury said. When asked what she thought of it, Tihonova exclaimed, “The beach was marvelous!” Mother and daughter have also discovered New Jersey’s burgeoning winery scene, visiting and sampling the wines at Cedar Rose Winery in Vineland.
People who have arrived from war-torn Ukraine wait at the main railway station for a train to take them to Warsaw on March 07, 2022 in Przemysl, Poland. Over one million people have arrived in Poland from Ukraine since the Russian invasion of February 24, and while many are moving in with relatives who live and work in Poland, others are journeying onward to other countries. (Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images)
People who have arrived from war-torn Ukraine wait at the main railway station for a train to take them to Warsaw on March 07, 2022 in Przemysl, Poland. Over one million people have arrived in Poland from Ukraine since the Russian invasion of February 24, and while many are moving in with relatives who live and work in Poland, others are journeying onward to other countries. (Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images)
Women and children who have fled war-torn Ukraine bide time in a shelter set up in a primary school not far from the Ukrainian border on March 14, 2022 in Przemysl, Poland. (Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images)
Women and children who have fled war-torn Ukraine bide time in a shelter set up in a primary school not far from the Ukrainian border on March 14, 2022 in Przemysl, Poland. (Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images)
At home, Tihonova has been busy making cultural specialties like Russian Napoleon cake, which is made from layers of puff pastry and sweet vanilla custard. Koury also bought her mom a sewing machine, noting, “When I was younger, she would make my clothes. Sewing is her hobby.” Tihonova has been able to keep in touch with some friends who left Ukraine as well as those who stayed behind and are helping to care for her pets.
It's unclear what the future may hold. Much of Mykolaiv is destroyed, and Tihonova is focused on adjusting to her new life in the United States, so she can’t say if or when she might return. She did say, “I’m happy that the U.S. has not forgotten Ukraine.”
Her daughter hopes she will be open to remaining here.
“We have a cat and a dog, so she likes that. I hope my mom will stay.”
Creative Design: Karaamat Abdullah
Photography: Ron Downes Jr.
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